Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
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