I'm eating all of the evidence.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
