I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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