make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Randomize
