do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
