If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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