well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
