Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
