I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
