He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
