Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize