a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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