I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Randomize
