JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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