Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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