she was so not down for the gang bang
Me. At least after what I've been through.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
