does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
where are you?
Hypothermia
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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