I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
