I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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