its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Blow job season was short but glorious.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
