Walk of Shame. In a state park.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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