If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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