Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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