New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
