Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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