maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
