just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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