can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
