in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
