dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
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