he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
