I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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