there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
