i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
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