why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
