You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize