Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
