ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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