On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
