who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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