Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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