At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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