Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i just sent this text using only my big toe
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
