we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
