dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
