i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
