Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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