My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I look better un-naked...
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
