If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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