The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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