You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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