After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
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