I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize