My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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