I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize