y did u give ur computer a hand job?
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Randomize
