i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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