dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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