Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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