How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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