Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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