i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
