you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
My vagina is officially offended.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
