watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
