yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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