he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
