my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
