i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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