so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
