Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
