There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
