I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
