Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize