Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
