I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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