I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
