i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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