I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
