It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
