Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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