All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
