i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
