Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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