is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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