I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
