I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
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