I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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