Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
