My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
