You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
