How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
