We're like a lot better than the average bears
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
