what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
