Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
