I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
