I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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