atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
