She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize