Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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